Imagining the Future is a Kind of Nostalgia

I've been feeling very nostalgic as of late. Right now my Spotify playlist is full of All Time Low, My Chemical Romance and random indie songs that were hits in the late 00s and early 10s. In January, inspired by the tenth anniversary, my love for High School Musical was renewed after marathoning the trilogy in one sitting (oh Zac Efron, you filled 11 year old me with butterflies and give 21 year old me hot flushes). You bet that very same nostalgic emo playlist is also filled with the entire HSM discography. I'm going to see Harry Potter and the Cursed Child in August. Being excited for a new Harry Potter story is so strange. I haven't been excited like this since I was 12.

I think this nostalgia has been ignited for two reasons.

Number 1: I looked after two teenagers in work and had intelligent, mature conversations with them. Then I realised that they were both born after 9/11. That was the first time I have ever felt old. I watched their eyes sparkle with wonder as I told them my where-were-you-during-9/11 spiel. I was just dumbfounded by how 9/11 is history to them. It reminded me of my parents telling me about the moon landing.

Number 2: I'm entering my final year of college in September. Unlike the average final year student, I don't have a full year left. I have my finals in December and on the week of  January the 9th 2017 I start a full time job as an Intern Midwife. This is my last ever summer out of the 'real world'.

While I'm terrified, I'm also equally excited. I will finally be getting paid for what I have been doing for the past 3 years. Let me tell you nothing makes you question your life choices more than feeling exhausted at 2am, only halfway through a night shift that you are not being paid to do. I am so excited to quit my job as a Healthcare Assistant. The uncertainty of getting work and being on call is nerve wracking.

I'm also preparing to be searching for jobs in the UK. Specifically Cambridge to go live with my equally Potter-obsessed pal Adam. I keep looking at RightMove and having to slap my hand because the earliest I will be able to move there is in well over a year.

This reminded me of a quote from a book I loved as a teen. The jewel in the crown of YA fiction when I was 15 was Looking for Alaska by John Green. "Imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia". At the time I didn't really get it, just thought it was an interesting quote. Yet, as I get older it really speaks to me. We imagine the future to escape the present. We keep doing that until we're old and grey and it's too late. Imaging the future to escape the present is something I have been doing for years during my struggle with depression and anxiety.

So that's my goal for the latter half of 2016. To stop "wishing my life away" as my mother would say.

Laura
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